A Quiet Place

I am indeed left without wig.

John Krasinski and Emily Blunt certainly have outdone themselves with this, a film which will never let you relax. It is honestly amazing and I loved it even if I was stressed to the max throughout all of it. A Quiet Place takes place in an apocalypse where any sound you make means you get killed and eaten by massive alien-like monsters.
It is a very sad film as well, which I really did not expect but does separate it from other Horror films. Whereas you may think it similar to 10 Cloverfield Lane and the like, it holds its own place in dystopian Horror with this idea that the hardest practice of all is to stay silent when necessary.
But hey, John and Emily were like you know what our silent life really needs? A screaming baby!

So John and Emily are finding it hard to keep their kids from fucking up in day to day life and from the beginning it really is just one thing after another for the couple, they really can't catch a break. The baby decides to arrive early, they keep losing each other, the kids KEEP making noise and these monsters just keep on letting themselves into people's houses. Krasinski directed this as well and he has done a very good job, him and Blunt do a great job overall and I'm living for it.
As the case for scaring goes, it isn't too scary in the same way as greats such as Insidious and Dark Skies are, but watching A Quiet Place is needed to be viewed in a cinema or just very very loudly. Because these jump scares are literally too much.

It is a great film and I loved it. The ending was honestly the best because Emily Blunt literally has had ENOUGH and gets ready to take out these creatures one by one.
And literally with all the shit she goes through in this film, it's like YOU DO YOU EMILY!

Jigsaw

What's the scariest setting of all? A really brightly lit barn that's what.

I don't know if many people watched it or even knew about it but there was this MTV reality show long ago about trying to find the next big Scream Queen. Girls would battle it out in Horror themed challenges and there was some hasbeen nobody SAW actress hosting it. Literally couldn't tell you who she was. But basically, when they did a filming challenge in the show, it would look so bad. The camera angles, the filters, the shoddy lighting... all of it just awful. So why does a film made many years later LOOK AS SHIT AS THOSE SNIPPETS OF FILM FOR A REALITY SHOW?

It's not a great film.

It's pretty damn bad really. 

It is a SAW film to a degree, and it has some entertaining qualities, even if it is the basic acting. So there's lots of stupid backstory hanging around characters who have little to do with the game that the 'new' jigsaw has laid out. So there's minimum to do with guts and blood and more to do with this really disgusting creepy head of the police and this weird girl is suspicious as ever and this really basic main guy who like lost everything when his wife died and it's just basically tiring because you know they have a bigger part yet to come.

So who is the new Jigsaw? Is it a copycat? Or has John Kramer come back from the grave?

Well yes Kramer's back from the dead BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HAVE FUCKING CANCER ALL ALONG.

But there's still more twists and it is pretty messy.

LITERALLY DO NOT PAY GOOD MONEY TO SEE THIS

I have to admit though John Kramer has a very calming voice when he's not hiding behind a puppet.

I appreciate what this film was trying to do. It was trying SO hard to be part of the SAW franchise and have it's only little place in reinventing this cult series of films.

But it's just lacking so much.

Plus the name 'Bucket Head' is thrown around a lot and honestly just lowers the whole tone of the film. And who is funding John Kramer to live his quiet little life just making killing machines in the countryside?

Better Watch Out

This film went from 0 to a 10000 real damn quick.

On the same level as The Babysitter, Better Watch Out is possibly one this year's most enjoyable Horror Comedies out in later years. The trailer did this film no justice at all. And also made it out to be a story which it is the absolute opposite of. 

It is another strange twist on the Slasher film, but with this being a Home Invasion movie turned completely on its head. What do you do when the person who is obsessed with you has to think his house is being invaded when really he is the one who is behind it all along.

Basically a typical babysitter being stalked story-line, however her stalker is no one special other than the teenage boy she babysits. When hearing that babysitter Ashley is moving out of town, Luke begins a plan to stage a break in of his house and henceforth will heroically save her. Yet, Ashley discovers his ploy and when threatening to tell his parents gets into further danger at the hands of Luke.

From here on in the film goes from strength to strength in alienating its audience. With some humorous parts, Better Watch Out is my new favourite holiday Horror. Like The Babysitter it plays with some of our favourite Horror tropes. The modern day Horror films I feel are getting better and better. Get Out, Happy Death Day, Eat, It Follows, XX. 

I want it ALL.

Give me more of this shit, even if I have a demanding project about the Final Girl due on Friday.

Patti Cake$

The most refreshing film I've seen in 2017 this year.

Like shit I think it was best.

I watched an underdog type of film in a time like now where now every single straight white male in Hollywood is definitely evil. They always have been. 

Anyway this film is truly my type of film to come out of Sundance. Female rapper? Underdog crew of minorities in general? Hot soundtrack? 

UHHHHHH, sign me tf up please!

Also a croaky old grandma getting in on the beats? 

I could go on.

This film came at the right time for me, due to a spate of going through many films on Hip Hop within a short space of time. Also most of those films being about male rappers was.... cool. But y'know most seem to have things against female artists. Females in rap and hip hop have been a massive influence in my music taste since the age of 17.

It ain't all about just those genres either. With a nice mix of rock as well, Patti Cake$ really is all I wanted it to be with the soundtrack, the storyline of reaching big dreams for the people always being put down and basically on point performances from all.

Lead member of PBNJ in the film is Patti who has little friends, mad rhyming skills and a mother who takes her resentment for a failed singing career out on her daughter.

This may be the best actress for this role, and a role which Danielle Macdonald serves confidently, as if she knows this character personally. 

AND mother fucking Cathy Moriarty plays Patti's grandmother, if you don't know, she's pretty much the driving force behind my favourite Casper the Friendly Ghost film - Casper Meets Wendy. She also did a great job in my favourite gay cult flick - But I'm a Cheerleader. 

I would advice you on watching this film as it equal parts hilarity to originality.

Beauty and the Beast

Spoiler Alert: don't go to see this is you love and cherish the character of Mrs Potts - because she about to get all cockney and what not due to Emma Thompson going right off course with this character development. 

Seriously, ANGIE LANSBURRY DIDN'T DO IT THAT WAY SO WHY SHOULD U.
Still love u Emma T.

I enjoyed it for the most part - however when the points of you have problems with outweigh what you enjoyed, then you've got to question whether or not this is in deed actually a film worth paying for.
The actors were moderately good really, although the singing... not so much. Basically everyone's fucking singing voice (maybe apart from the Beast's) was auto-tuned to fuck. It's hard not to notice really. Another point is that Emma Watson's acting - I've never truly had much of a problem with the actor, but after watching this film, it's kind of clear that her acting style is purely her looking smug even when her character has it pretty shit.

Anyway here's a list of what I liked and mostly disliked:

I liked a couple of new plot points, for example we don't have a fucking annoying talking teacup manage to save a grown ass man and his daughter from being locked away. Belle and her father (AN INVENTOR) here did the right thing and picked a lock with no help of anything magical.
Basically the less scenes in it without the character of Chip makes me happy because Chip is an annoying piece of tableware.

I liked only one of the new song additions. The one the Beast sings is pretty nice, the other new song I think called Mirror in the Sun or something - Do not like that one bit. Maybe my dislike for it is because all in all it's a pretty bad and lifeless tune... og yeah and we got that INSTEAD FUCKING HUMAN A-FUCKING-GAIN! Human Again is probably the best song from the original film after Be Our Guest. Audiences get the delight of Be Our Guest in 'live action' though, and I use the term 'live action' very loosely because of my next point.

THIS IS SOME POOR LIVE ACTION EXCUSE. I'm probably being melodramatic but legit you will forget you're watching any human on screen when you get lost in the Be Our Guest number. Suddenly you see Belle and have to remember what type of film you're meant to be watching. Afterall all actors are filmed on a green screen and it worked for something like the new Jungle Book, but with all the voice auto-tuning and everything, I felt somewhat put off.

Literally along with some quite corny acting from a couple of cast members, you're going to feel like you've come to see a Panto. Maybe I'm just still bitter because I could not enjoy Beauty and the Beast as it was ruined for me and my friend due to two freaks behind us. OH THE ALL THE TALK TALK TALKING AND EVEN SINGING, it never ended. So yeah, the experience was ruined.
*Titus Andromedon voice* "Yes I'm still mad about that.

Passengers

Don't go see this if you liked the look of it just from what you saw in the trailer - it honest to god not what I wanted to see.

In the trailer for Passengers it cleverly tells you that there is a twist at the end of the film, well basically forget all of that because the supposed 'twist' is more at the start of the film sort of.

And to be honest this film is boring, so not worth money to watch it and anyway what else would you expect from the human bile that Jennifer Lawrence? 

She is quite annoying in this, like it is becoming increasingly hard to find a film where Lawrence just does an okay job, and manages to not annoy the absolute fuck out of me. Just go and fucking offend a whole fucking community's culture again. Sad.

I know I shouldn't let the fact that she is in a film shape the way I view it beforehand, and it's hard, but I went into watching this film expecting something bigger than what I got. I am in some ways disapointed with Passengers, and I think most others will be as well. The story itself is promising, but I just feel that both main actors just didn't really know or care about the characters they were playing. 

So, we meet Jim Preston (Chris Pratt) who mistakenly wakes up early in his pod when on a trip to the new earth with a load of other humans just sleeping away. Understandably he's pissed off that he can't be put back under and the ship is not helpful in any way. So after trying time and time over, he breaks half the ship without realising and gives up on everything - he now has to spend the rest of his life alone while it takes 90 years for the ship to arrive at the new earth. So, understandably he gets lonely after spending I think a whole year alone on the ship, only a robot bartender to talk to and no real money in his earnings to get any good food. He decides to wake someone up, and yes its Jennifer Lawrence, who has honestly one of the most stupid names ever - Aurora Lane. She isn't a superhero or anything, so why the weird name.

So after thinking for ages that she woke up by accident as well, the pair live together and fall in love, go on the dance machine, play basketball and get drunk and it isn't as entertaining as it sounds. None of this film is as good as it looks. Laurence Fishburne is in it for about a mini second, his part is so pointless you could blink and his character would be over and done with. 

The ending is nice in some way I suppose though.

It's okay.

Chris Pratt's character almost dies really when trying to save the whole ship and the most annoying actress in the whole world. But he doesn't, and like he really should have, maybe that would have made this film better. And so spoiler alert, the two live out the rest of their lives on the ship happily ever after...

oh and also grow a whole fucking rain-forest and I'm still not sure exactly why.

Watch this film when it evidently comes on ITV in the future, do not pay for this film. 

The Founder

I did enjoy this film. Probably more than other people have. 

And all you need to know and what you will solidly believe by the end of it is this - Michael Keaton plays a twat really fucking well.

Like I really liked this, but it made me horribly upset by the end of it. The guy this is based on - Ray Kroc, who renovated McDonalds into a fast food chain - yeah he's a dick. And Michael Keaton does a good job of playing this passive aggressive old ass man who gets swept up in making an empire out of someone else's design.

So first of all Ray Kroc starts out as a semi-successful ice cream machine salesman, and luckily he goes to check out a little lone restaurant McDonalds - who want to order way more machines than Ray has ever sold in one go. So he's checking it out, eats a maccie meal FOR 35 CENTS! And he loves it, meets the owners and get the backroom tour. So apparently eating out in the 50s was a pain in the ass for people on the road, because it was waiting around in your car for the wrong food to be delivered to you after ages of waiting and getting the stank eye from the new hip teenagers.

Rich and Mac McDonald are played by John Carroll Lynch and Nick Offerman - that's Twisty the Clown and Ron Swanson to you. And they're characters made me so sad. Basically you get to follow how Ray Kroc ruins the McDonald brothers lives and it's just even sadder because it all happened in real life, How Kroc took them both for a ride, gave one of them a heart attack, essentially stole their property and did it all legally makes me kind of sick to tell you the truth. But yet, if McDonalds had just stayed the lone company all the way out in a desert town, then I wouldn't be able to indulge my life in sub-par standard meals - that I will never give up, not ever.

Basically you will come away from watching this film, knowing only that Ray Kroc was evil but incredibly smart and a tactical business man.
Still don't like the man, but still like thanks Ray for the idea of introducing ice cream to McDonalds.
Very interesting film, but the ending is sad because THE MCDONALDS BROTHERS COULDN'T PROVE THEY HAD A HANDSHAKE AGREEMENT WITH KROC SO THAT THEY COULD RECEIVE THEIR ROYALITIES WHICH WOULD BE WORST SO SO FUCKING MUCH TODAY, LIKE OH MY GOD KROC YOU CLEVER CUNT.
Don't talk to me about Ray Kroc ever again.