A Quiet Place

I am indeed left without wig.

John Krasinski and Emily Blunt certainly have outdone themselves with this, a film which will never let you relax. It is honestly amazing and I loved it even if I was stressed to the max throughout all of it. A Quiet Place takes place in an apocalypse where any sound you make means you get killed and eaten by massive alien-like monsters.
It is a very sad film as well, which I really did not expect but does separate it from other Horror films. Whereas you may think it similar to 10 Cloverfield Lane and the like, it holds its own place in dystopian Horror with this idea that the hardest practice of all is to stay silent when necessary.
But hey, John and Emily were like you know what our silent life really needs? A screaming baby!

So John and Emily are finding it hard to keep their kids from fucking up in day to day life and from the beginning it really is just one thing after another for the couple, they really can't catch a break. The baby decides to arrive early, they keep losing each other, the kids KEEP making noise and these monsters just keep on letting themselves into people's houses. Krasinski directed this as well and he has done a very good job, him and Blunt do a great job overall and I'm living for it.
As the case for scaring goes, it isn't too scary in the same way as greats such as Insidious and Dark Skies are, but watching A Quiet Place is needed to be viewed in a cinema or just very very loudly. Because these jump scares are literally too much.

It is a great film and I loved it. The ending was honestly the best because Emily Blunt literally has had ENOUGH and gets ready to take out these creatures one by one.
And literally with all the shit she goes through in this film, it's like YOU DO YOU EMILY!

Jigsaw

What's the scariest setting of all? A really brightly lit barn that's what.

I don't know if many people watched it or even knew about it but there was this MTV reality show long ago about trying to find the next big Scream Queen. Girls would battle it out in Horror themed challenges and there was some hasbeen nobody SAW actress hosting it. Literally couldn't tell you who she was. But basically, when they did a filming challenge in the show, it would look so bad. The camera angles, the filters, the shoddy lighting... all of it just awful. So why does a film made many years later LOOK AS SHIT AS THOSE SNIPPETS OF FILM FOR A REALITY SHOW?

It's not a great film.

It's pretty damn bad really. 

It is a SAW film to a degree, and it has some entertaining qualities, even if it is the basic acting. So there's lots of stupid backstory hanging around characters who have little to do with the game that the 'new' jigsaw has laid out. So there's minimum to do with guts and blood and more to do with this really disgusting creepy head of the police and this weird girl is suspicious as ever and this really basic main guy who like lost everything when his wife died and it's just basically tiring because you know they have a bigger part yet to come.

So who is the new Jigsaw? Is it a copycat? Or has John Kramer come back from the grave?

Well yes Kramer's back from the dead BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HAVE FUCKING CANCER ALL ALONG.

But there's still more twists and it is pretty messy.

LITERALLY DO NOT PAY GOOD MONEY TO SEE THIS

I have to admit though John Kramer has a very calming voice when he's not hiding behind a puppet.

I appreciate what this film was trying to do. It was trying SO hard to be part of the SAW franchise and have it's only little place in reinventing this cult series of films.

But it's just lacking so much.

Plus the name 'Bucket Head' is thrown around a lot and honestly just lowers the whole tone of the film. And who is funding John Kramer to live his quiet little life just making killing machines in the countryside?

Better Watch Out

This film went from 0 to a 10000 real damn quick.

On the same level as The Babysitter, Better Watch Out is possibly one this year's most enjoyable Horror Comedies out in later years. The trailer did this film no justice at all. And also made it out to be a story which it is the absolute opposite of. 

It is another strange twist on the Slasher film, but with this being a Home Invasion movie turned completely on its head. What do you do when the person who is obsessed with you has to think his house is being invaded when really he is the one who is behind it all along.

Basically a typical babysitter being stalked story-line, however her stalker is no one special other than the teenage boy she babysits. When hearing that babysitter Ashley is moving out of town, Luke begins a plan to stage a break in of his house and henceforth will heroically save her. Yet, Ashley discovers his ploy and when threatening to tell his parents gets into further danger at the hands of Luke.

From here on in the film goes from strength to strength in alienating its audience. With some humorous parts, Better Watch Out is my new favourite holiday Horror. Like The Babysitter it plays with some of our favourite Horror tropes. The modern day Horror films I feel are getting better and better. Get Out, Happy Death Day, Eat, It Follows, XX. 

I want it ALL.

Give me more of this shit, even if I have a demanding project about the Final Girl due on Friday.

Patti Cake$

The most refreshing film I've seen in 2017 this year.

Like shit I think it was best.

I watched an underdog type of film in a time like now where now every single straight white male in Hollywood is definitely evil. They always have been. 

Anyway this film is truly my type of film to come out of Sundance. Female rapper? Underdog crew of minorities in general? Hot soundtrack? 

UHHHHHH, sign me tf up please!

Also a croaky old grandma getting in on the beats? 

I could go on.

This film came at the right time for me, due to a spate of going through many films on Hip Hop within a short space of time. Also most of those films being about male rappers was.... cool. But y'know most seem to have things against female artists. Females in rap and hip hop have been a massive influence in my music taste since the age of 17.

It ain't all about just those genres either. With a nice mix of rock as well, Patti Cake$ really is all I wanted it to be with the soundtrack, the storyline of reaching big dreams for the people always being put down and basically on point performances from all.

Lead member of PBNJ in the film is Patti who has little friends, mad rhyming skills and a mother who takes her resentment for a failed singing career out on her daughter.

This may be the best actress for this role, and a role which Danielle Macdonald serves confidently, as if she knows this character personally. 

AND mother fucking Cathy Moriarty plays Patti's grandmother, if you don't know, she's pretty much the driving force behind my favourite Casper the Friendly Ghost film - Casper Meets Wendy. She also did a great job in my favourite gay cult flick - But I'm a Cheerleader. 

I would advice you on watching this film as it equal parts hilarity to originality.

Beauty and the Beast

Spoiler Alert: don't go to see this is you love and cherish the character of Mrs Potts - because she about to get all cockney and what not due to Emma Thompson going right off course with this character development. 

Seriously, ANGIE LANSBURRY DIDN'T DO IT THAT WAY SO WHY SHOULD U.
Still love u Emma T.

I enjoyed it for the most part - however when the points of you have problems with outweigh what you enjoyed, then you've got to question whether or not this is in deed actually a film worth paying for.
The actors were moderately good really, although the singing... not so much. Basically everyone's fucking singing voice (maybe apart from the Beast's) was auto-tuned to fuck. It's hard not to notice really. Another point is that Emma Watson's acting - I've never truly had much of a problem with the actor, but after watching this film, it's kind of clear that her acting style is purely her looking smug even when her character has it pretty shit.

Anyway here's a list of what I liked and mostly disliked:

I liked a couple of new plot points, for example we don't have a fucking annoying talking teacup manage to save a grown ass man and his daughter from being locked away. Belle and her father (AN INVENTOR) here did the right thing and picked a lock with no help of anything magical.
Basically the less scenes in it without the character of Chip makes me happy because Chip is an annoying piece of tableware.

I liked only one of the new song additions. The one the Beast sings is pretty nice, the other new song I think called Mirror in the Sun or something - Do not like that one bit. Maybe my dislike for it is because all in all it's a pretty bad and lifeless tune... og yeah and we got that INSTEAD FUCKING HUMAN A-FUCKING-GAIN! Human Again is probably the best song from the original film after Be Our Guest. Audiences get the delight of Be Our Guest in 'live action' though, and I use the term 'live action' very loosely because of my next point.

THIS IS SOME POOR LIVE ACTION EXCUSE. I'm probably being melodramatic but legit you will forget you're watching any human on screen when you get lost in the Be Our Guest number. Suddenly you see Belle and have to remember what type of film you're meant to be watching. Afterall all actors are filmed on a green screen and it worked for something like the new Jungle Book, but with all the voice auto-tuning and everything, I felt somewhat put off.

Literally along with some quite corny acting from a couple of cast members, you're going to feel like you've come to see a Panto. Maybe I'm just still bitter because I could not enjoy Beauty and the Beast as it was ruined for me and my friend due to two freaks behind us. OH THE ALL THE TALK TALK TALKING AND EVEN SINGING, it never ended. So yeah, the experience was ruined.
*Titus Andromedon voice* "Yes I'm still mad about that.

Passengers

Don't go see this if you liked the look of it just from what you saw in the trailer - it honest to god not what I wanted to see.

In the trailer for Passengers it cleverly tells you that there is a twist at the end of the film, well basically forget all of that because the supposed 'twist' is more at the start of the film sort of.

And to be honest this film is boring, so not worth money to watch it and anyway what else would you expect from the human bile that Jennifer Lawrence? 

She is quite annoying in this, like it is becoming increasingly hard to find a film where Lawrence just does an okay job, and manages to not annoy the absolute fuck out of me. Just go and fucking offend a whole fucking community's culture again. Sad.

I know I shouldn't let the fact that she is in a film shape the way I view it beforehand, and it's hard, but I went into watching this film expecting something bigger than what I got. I am in some ways disapointed with Passengers, and I think most others will be as well. The story itself is promising, but I just feel that both main actors just didn't really know or care about the characters they were playing. 

So, we meet Jim Preston (Chris Pratt) who mistakenly wakes up early in his pod when on a trip to the new earth with a load of other humans just sleeping away. Understandably he's pissed off that he can't be put back under and the ship is not helpful in any way. So after trying time and time over, he breaks half the ship without realising and gives up on everything - he now has to spend the rest of his life alone while it takes 90 years for the ship to arrive at the new earth. So, understandably he gets lonely after spending I think a whole year alone on the ship, only a robot bartender to talk to and no real money in his earnings to get any good food. He decides to wake someone up, and yes its Jennifer Lawrence, who has honestly one of the most stupid names ever - Aurora Lane. She isn't a superhero or anything, so why the weird name.

So after thinking for ages that she woke up by accident as well, the pair live together and fall in love, go on the dance machine, play basketball and get drunk and it isn't as entertaining as it sounds. None of this film is as good as it looks. Laurence Fishburne is in it for about a mini second, his part is so pointless you could blink and his character would be over and done with. 

The ending is nice in some way I suppose though.

It's okay.

Chris Pratt's character almost dies really when trying to save the whole ship and the most annoying actress in the whole world. But he doesn't, and like he really should have, maybe that would have made this film better. And so spoiler alert, the two live out the rest of their lives on the ship happily ever after...

oh and also grow a whole fucking rain-forest and I'm still not sure exactly why.

Watch this film when it evidently comes on ITV in the future, do not pay for this film. 

The Founder

I did enjoy this film. Probably more than other people have. 

And all you need to know and what you will solidly believe by the end of it is this - Michael Keaton plays a twat really fucking well.

Like I really liked this, but it made me horribly upset by the end of it. The guy this is based on - Ray Kroc, who renovated McDonalds into a fast food chain - yeah he's a dick. And Michael Keaton does a good job of playing this passive aggressive old ass man who gets swept up in making an empire out of someone else's design.

So first of all Ray Kroc starts out as a semi-successful ice cream machine salesman, and luckily he goes to check out a little lone restaurant McDonalds - who want to order way more machines than Ray has ever sold in one go. So he's checking it out, eats a maccie meal FOR 35 CENTS! And he loves it, meets the owners and get the backroom tour. So apparently eating out in the 50s was a pain in the ass for people on the road, because it was waiting around in your car for the wrong food to be delivered to you after ages of waiting and getting the stank eye from the new hip teenagers.

Rich and Mac McDonald are played by John Carroll Lynch and Nick Offerman - that's Twisty the Clown and Ron Swanson to you. And they're characters made me so sad. Basically you get to follow how Ray Kroc ruins the McDonald brothers lives and it's just even sadder because it all happened in real life, How Kroc took them both for a ride, gave one of them a heart attack, essentially stole their property and did it all legally makes me kind of sick to tell you the truth. But yet, if McDonalds had just stayed the lone company all the way out in a desert town, then I wouldn't be able to indulge my life in sub-par standard meals - that I will never give up, not ever.

Basically you will come away from watching this film, knowing only that Ray Kroc was evil but incredibly smart and a tactical business man.
Still don't like the man, but still like thanks Ray for the idea of introducing ice cream to McDonalds.
Very interesting film, but the ending is sad because THE MCDONALDS BROTHERS COULDN'T PROVE THEY HAD A HANDSHAKE AGREEMENT WITH KROC SO THAT THEY COULD RECEIVE THEIR ROYALITIES WHICH WOULD BE WORST SO SO FUCKING MUCH TODAY, LIKE OH MY GOD KROC YOU CLEVER CUNT.
Don't talk to me about Ray Kroc ever again.

La La Land

 This review may be short and not worth reading because I have little and uninteresting opinions on it. Also, I didn't cry, and it's come to my attention that when upon watching the ending to La La Land apparently most people tend to cry.



Maybe it was just me, a film doesn't tend to make me cry unless an animal or robot die in the end, or Mrs Doubtfire gives touching speech on divorced families. I might tear up now just thinking about it. But this doesn't make me some freak with no heart, there are many many more film endings on earth which are sadder than this one.

Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are good actors in this, and the direction and aesthetic are good. This film is plain good... I have a problem with Stone and Gosling's singing voices. For a supposed 'Musical' they have the least strong voices for this type of singing, and yet, you do get this feeling that it isn't really a musical. It's more 'look at all these dance moves and ignore everything else'.

It is a film made for Oscar season, there's no doubt about it. And that's all there is about it. It is a nice story, with nice characters. And for some reason John Legend pops out of nowhere.

So yeah, go see this with your mum and nan, because it's that type of audience in some ways. I literally have nothing else to say on this film, sorry.

The Edge of Seventeen

Well yeah it's basically like Easy A. And essentially just expect all that you know what comes out of films like Easy A and Juno - spunky edgy girl who should be breaking THE FUCK DOWN but somehow holds it all together throughout her tough teen years where she just isn't like the other kids. I liked it of course, I mean this was the type of film I latched onto when I was seventeen, but seventeen year old Sarah was confused and annoying (I watched a lot of Kevin Smith in hope of getting a guy to like me).

Don't do it girls and boys.

So we have Nadine who has no friends throughout all of her early life, whereas her older brother Darian has everything made up for him in life. But of course Nadine finds someone as weird as her, and we meet Krista, the pair have been friends since a young age and depend on no one else. But of course Krista is in some ways better looking and more likeable than Nadine - HMM WHERE HAVE WE SEEN THIS BEFORE??? EASY A AND MOTHER FUCKING JUNO... THE DUFF?!

In a slice, this film isn't very independent in its storyline of course... I feel like I'm going to be writing the words 'of course' a lot in this.

Suddenly, Nadine catches Krista in bed with her brother after a night of drinking, and everything goes to shit for Nadine - oh yeah by the way her dad died a couple of years before all of this, so hello we have something sort of new in the teen film. Later on throughout the film we see Nadine take some of her meds - antidepressants, which I am so thankful for. Finally on camera it shows teen audiences that no you can't just sing a song or have a baby or write a fucking article and everything changes during your teen years. And it also shows the effects of her meds, Nadine gets down and begins to feel ill - trust me they're no happy pills. THANK YOU KELLY FREMON CRAIG. 

So, Nadine obviously gets along really well with her father, until the dad has to be replaced for another male figure in her life - oh look at that luckily she has this rude and blunt but in some ways hot teacher. This is where it gets weird for me because I had that teacher at school, except mine wasn't hot, I just saw him as someone to discuss The Smiths and Breaking Bad with... fuck me, younger Sarah was so awfully feminist but yet not attempting to support ALL of her fellow sisters - like seriously fuck younger Sarah Rogers, like really. 

Like this film sniffs so much of any other teen film. Nadine thinks she is before her time, and wants all her peers to stop looking at their phones and living on social media and contacting through emojis. WELL JOKES ON YOU NADINE BECAUSE THIS IS THE REAL WORLD AND WE USE TEXTING. I hate people my age and younger or a little older who think they should have been born in the 50s, like literally fuck off, AND Nadine fucking uses all of the big three she exclaims to hate - texting, facebook and emojis. What an problematic character.

So even though Nadine has a huge fight with so-called best friend Kirsta, she goes about life not speaking to her as her former best friend begins dating her brother and leaving her out of things. Nadine likes the bad boy, but should really be looking in the opposite direction with the guy she inadvertently is stringing along - poor old arty nerd guy who sometimes isn't white. For the most part it is a whole cliche, but at the end of the day it's no ordinary teen film, because Nadine is weird and awkward and rambles, and yeah it's nice to see that different type of character. But at the end of the day, she is a very attractive thin white girl. And when he her universe breaks down because the hot bad guy turns out to be a groping jerk-off, the same old Coldplay song begins as she finally breaks down. And yeah, it is just a generic teen film. 

And there's not really much wrong with that. In this case, I like this character, but only to a degree, she is very problematic at some points - like why she calling her history teacher to come collect her after she fights off the jerk-off? It does have a lot of 'women need men to exist'. And also as much as I do think Nadine is problematic, I do think she deserves to break the fuck down and have a crisis about her brother fucking her best friend and everyone treating her like she's temperamental.

Fuck knows that it is hard being young with a mental illness. 

It is a good film for the most part. But, it will induce a lot of anxiety. And there is a part where Nadine apologises to her brother, and he never even fucking APOLOGISES TO HER BUT KRISTA DOES LIKE JESUS FUCK JUST SAY SORRY FOR FUCKING UP YOUR SISTER'S LIFE EVEN MORE.  

Sorry.

A side note would also be that you won't fucking know what fucking era this film is set in for quite a long time, until a phone is introduced you'll only just realise oh this is at least the 2010s. 

My god I am salty today.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Looooooooooved it.

Nothing much to say, other than LOOOOOOVED IT.

There is little to nothing wrong with this.

SPOILERS:

Sad ending but necessary because basically there's no other way of putting it other than everyone needed to die at the end.

The character of Tarkin was done well, but once I knew beforehand that he would be animated in, I couldn't see anything but that. He looked a little like a playstation characters. I mean good effort, but once you know he's not actually there, you can't get past it - lots of shots of his back, etc. Which was the only problem I had with the film, well not even a problem really.

"JUST GIVE ME MORE STAR WARS"

I scream as I lay in bed ill and watch nothing but episodes 4-6 all day long. 

Moana

Before seeing this film I wasn't having the cheeriest of days, what with all that stress and worrying I tend to do on a daily basis lately over just about everything, and then not doing anything to resolve the stressing and worrying, a Disney film was really just what I needed to take me away from that mess I call a life,

So, Moana is quite a nice film. I enjoy Disney trying to make films which include other cultures, I admit that they usually don't pull it off incredibly well, but every once in a while I can let some things go and enjoy most Disney films.
What I like about this film is that Moana is not a princess, even though I do like a good princess movie as much as the next person, it was refreshing. Even though she was mainly listed to her tribe as the daughter of the chief, which is problematic in itself. BUT YET, she was in training to take over her father's role and become chief, so it's conflicting.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson is probably the most likeable part about this film, and he actually has a really good singing voice. Him being of Polynesian heritage makes it more enjoyable for some reason. Dwayne The Rock Johnson plays the character of Maui who has to be found by main character and totally not a princess Moana. In order to save her people and village from a curse put out onto their crops and fishing due to Maui being selfish and such for stealing the heart of Mother Nature for the tribe. Or something along those lines. So Moana has to meet the call of the ocean in order to save the tribe.
Ensue a lot of motivational songs and forced funny parts from her animal sidekick - again she has all the bearings of a Disney Princess, but heck she ain't got that label. There's even an inside joke from the character of Maui, a demigod, about Moana really being a princess due to her funny pet sidekick.

A very interesting and overall educational film, which doesn't let you forget that it's a Disney film. For the most part from what I can tell, Disney have done a good job of not mucking up a whole culture all together again.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Basically this is coming out very late because I am useless and have no self motivation.
I liked this film more than I thought I would.

For what it's worth I like this fashion of spin offs which are coming thick and fast. Don't really know why, I think we all agree that the well of filmmaking is becoming more and more dry, and this is a nice way to tide audiences over until a new wave of originality comes. Now that's what I call sounding pretentious,

Anyway, this film took me by surprise, I didn't even really want to go to the cinema to see it, but I did and I would have regretted it a little if I hadn't.
Although there's no two ways about it, Eddie Redmayne grates on me and I'm too sure why.
Maybe because the last few films he starred in included him playing a disabled man and a trans woman - two things which he isn't. I do think straight actors should stop being praised for playing members of the LGBTQ community. Like, there's so many gay and trans actors on this earth...
But yet, I didn't hate him so much in Fantastic Beasts. I'm pretty sure he did a good job of playing a grown ass bumbling man who always looks like a schoolboy who has been caught doing something he shouldn't be doing. But all in all fair dos to him for pulling off such a character who is likeable and yet somewhat unlikeable all at the same time.

To me Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was totally alike with Harry Potter films, and yet not alike with them as well. I like that this film is set against an unsettled wizarding world, and yet we don't have to endure some acting from Daniel Radcliffe - FYI, I don't actually hate all young posh British actors. Katherine Waterston did a very good job as Redmayne's maybe almost love interest, but more importantly a witch looking to redeem herself in her line of work at the Magical Congress.
So basically, Eddie Redmayne has good intentions on releasing a wild magical beast back into its natural habitat, but all hell breaks loose and he lets all of his collection out. Which means he must collect them all before New York is torn apart. Cue to an enjoyable main storyline. But yet something darker occurs, and that really is basically the best part about the film - Ezra Miller playing yet again another moody and self destructive teenager takes the prize for what I liked most about this film

However the real winner overall here is the actor of Dan Fogler - such a pure character.

Doctor Strange

It's alright...

It's not what I expected, concerning that I'm not as great a lover as I once was of Marvel films. Doctor Strange, well I always thought that he was a bad guy, and this film does give the impression that Steve Strange is pompous twat... but that's about it. 

Basically, he's a talented surgeon who is a massive egotistical twat, drives like a dick and gets into a crash where his hands are ruined for work and it's like ohhhh gosh no, what a shame. 

So he pisses everyone off around him trying to get them fixed, and ends up in India attempting to get them fixed by amending cells and shit. But nah bra, it's magic. Magic from a bald Tilda Swinton, who I believe is meant to actually be played by an Asian person. 

She's actually a little annoying in it, and so is Benedict Cumberbatch. All these amazing actors... doing a mediocre job. 

The writing is a tad messy, and there's a chance that they've compensated for it with all these visual effects, but I'm not complaining. I liked all the space scenes. 

It may just be the character of Steve Strange, he's so unlikable sometimes... just like Tony Stark, no wonder they appear in comics together. 

And maybe it's just me, I'm not a big fan of Marvel films anymore, and I think it's because they make me cringe a bit. Like, I think I'm the only person who really does not like the new Spiderman that much.

I never realised Aunt May was actually eligible to be a AILF all along.

Ew.

Go see it is you're into good soundtracks which run for like 3 songs throughout the whole film. And go see it for some varied funny lines. And go see it if you're really into a film which tries so god damn hard...

Sorry.

Bob wins all for the last half of 2016 (see the review before this).

A Street Cat Named Bob

Hands down... the best film of 2016...
literally.
If you don't agree, go vote Trump again and get out of my sight, you unloved freak.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: scenes of drug use, relapsing, bad trips, some horrible chavs and their poorly treated dogs.

Even though yeah I'm biased because cats are my favourite animal, it's a fun film, where you'll cry and laugh and oh my god literally it's beautiful.
A film like this is needed, even if you're not a great fan of cats and have no sole, then go see this just purely for the Christmas type feeling you'll get.

Bob for Prime Minister - literally fuck 2016 so hard.
Now let's all go eat comfort food, because there's little else enjoyable right now.

Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children

This is a good film.

I mean I liked it, I like children's films which are slightly dark - A Series of Unfortunate Events.

And I also like Tim Burton, even if he hasn't got much originality...

I mean I can see what people mean by the second half being a plot so crazy that it tends not to make sense, and that's a small unlikable factor to it really. Some of the best characters vanish, and we're left with just the children saving the day, and it ends up with a slight air of 5 Children and It, Nanny McPhee about it. Which is getting deader by the year. 

Samuel L Jackson was possibly my favourite part about it, yet it was always gonna be hard to watch him play an enemy role without being able to swear. Like he did a good acting job here, but you could tell that he was trying hard not to drop f-bombs right and left. And if I were to say my favourite part of the film were him then that would be the honest truth.  

There's a Tim Burton cameo which I for one was so surprised by it, even if it a literal second shot of him getting hit by a walking skeleton. I never thought that he did cameos in his films, he didn't seem like that type of filmmaker - i.e. one with a big ol ego.
But yeah he is.

Rupert Everett is a good actor when it comes to comedy roles, I'm not used to seeing him in any other role really... apart from that pure joyous character in My Best Friend's Wedding. But I will say the one thing which impressed me with this film is the level of acting which has been produced, both from the young and old actors, I mean there isn't anyone who is really awful in it. And it is in the long run a good film, it's a fun film, with meaning, as well as a load of dark shit in it.
I can see what critics mean when not liking the second half of the film - they said it makes little sense. And I would agree with that, there is something about the ending which didn't sit too right with me, but then again trying to explain complicated time travel sends me up the walls. Afterall I feel that the first half is truly a good solid film, it's different, but the second half does loose that somewhat. But that doesn't necessarily mean the film is completely let down by it.

I.. I dunno how else to put it just go see it. This review is all other the shop.

Chris O'Donal should never do a fucking American accent again in the history of moving image - he wasn't even putting it on at one point, just pure Irish accent.

The Girl On The Train

I've (like half of Britain) have read the book, and yes loved it. Mainly just because it was an easy read, got in done in around 3-4 days whilst I was on my holidays in Greece. It was one of those books that when you're talked to while reading it, you get pissed off due to being drawn away from it. 

But anyway the film was good. Like the book for me I only really liked one part of it - the character of Rachael. 

I don't know about anyone else, but I hated every single character in the book, apart from Rachael. And low and behold, I hated every single character in the film, except for Rachael. 

It has to be said - Emily Blunt was absolutely flawless. I watched feeling like this could be an Oscar win for her. Everyone else in it was fine - and it doesn't help that I actually hate every single character more now that they've been visualised for me more. I mean Alison Janey is the inspector, and you've got surprisingly Laura Prepon as Rachael's flatmate, and they're both people I genuinely like, but their characters are just sort of there. 

So all in all I like this film, and maybe it's purely because of the character of Rachael and Emily Blunt's performance. But I went into this film with more than half a bottle of wine in me... I had a hard day, let's not judge. And at the end of the day i can't give you all a very good criticism on this film... because my perspective was askew and I regret nothing.

Although I would in no way advise going into watching a film at the cinema half-cut, it was a little hard to keep focus. And also the whole experience was difficult concerning not only the drink, but it was mixed in with being seated quite near to the front. 

Never again will I mix that together.

If you've read the book, you'll know that it is a very quick read, there are jumps in time, but all makes sense at the end. Now if you think that the booking ending was nice and quick, it's a lot bloody quicker in the film. And that's not necessarily a bad thing - especially when you're sat there almost going into comatose state from needing the toilet.

So yeah, I promise you that you will in no way like many of the characters, if any. But you will love Emily Blunt in it, the character of Rachael is a precious soul who only deserves goodness and NOT A FUCKING RAPIST KILLER CHARISMATIC FUCK LIKE TOM.

Why does every woman on earth seem to jump into bed with Tom, he's a evil human-being, urgh and fuck me the characters of Anna and Megan are just so unlikable. Purely just because they fall over themselves for Tom. Oh god and Scott is awful, aw y'know what just cut together clips of Rachael for me and that's the film I would rather see. 

Good luck reading any of that and wanting to see the film. 

Don't Breathe

That shit is freaking crazy...

Probably the best Horror of the year, except I would place it nearer to Thriller than Horror. By the way this film is kinda never ending - which I never thought I would say, but it made it more entertaining.
Don't Breathe follows the three most useless burglars in the world - Rocky, Alex and Money. They decide to rob a blind man, a veteran, not knowing the blueprints of the house, where to find the money they're after, and in no way thinking the blind dude has senses other than eyesight. Like he's blind, not deaf, even if they do gas him whilst he's sleeping, don't mean everyone should shout about it.
So basically, the blind veteran, who has no actual name, got an settlement of money from a rich girl who ran over his daughter and killed her. The trio plan on robbing him only for the money, and Rocky and Money decide to move out of town once completing their final hit.
All you really need to know is that Rocky is abused emotionally at home by her mum, Money is her boyfriend who dabbles in unsavoury stuff, and Alex is the son of the boss of a home security company - i.e. how the three of them get into the houses. Oh yeah he's in love with Rocky.
There is a cute doggy, but he's not very nice as he's owned by the blind man seeking revenge on the people burgling him.
But he always looks like he's smiling and I can't help still liking him.

It starts off well, and may get slow by the time the main characters actually get into robbing the blind man, and from there the jump scares take their time to appear. But when they do, oh boy oh pal old sonny dear me oh my. It is just one thing after another.

The twist - and yeah, I've just ruined the fact that there's a twist for you, sorry - it's pretty good, but I knew there was one big ass plot twist coming upon reading reviews. So I was guessing before getting in there, and had a feeling it would be that there is someone or someones locked in the basement and such, and I figured that it would children. You see I watched the last three seasons of Law & Order: SVU within about two weeks and was still in the mode.
It's not, but it's still fucked up.

I haven't actually seen that many films in the cinema this year, due to being stone cold broke and such, but this is worth it - especially within the cinema setting, you need to watch it very loudly obviously.
Anyway go see Don't Breathe because it will fuck you up... in a good way.
You're gonna wish you spend your money on seeing this in the cinema rather than Sausage Party. 

Sausage Party

... There are few words.

I just don't know...
It's amazing how Seth Rogen & co just keep getting more and more offensive, and yet make it somewhat quite funny. But this, it kinda takes the piss a bit with pushing the offensive stereotypes and such. Because throughout Sausage Party you'll find that you'll laugh a little, and then not at all.

This is a hard film to explain, it's an average film for the most part - it's mostly stoner comedy (obviously, it's talking food), and that's probably why the storyline is so lackluster and why I got so bored. Which is strange because I'm usually not too bored with stoner comedies - I use to be a regular little fuck boy-loving girl going after the more undesired boys.
Oh how far we've come.

And that's all well and good... until the ending, and kids... I am scarred for life.
It's been a whole three days since and I still want to scrub my brain clean of the images.
(SPOILERS)
I get that when individuals are high off their asses they may often wonder the process of how food could, if at all, have sexual intercourse - but I for one haven't thought about it in my life AND I DIDN'T PAY £7.90 OUT OF MY OVERDRAFT TO BE DAMAGED LIKE THAT!
An actual orgy of food isn't nice.

Some may find it hilarious and some may find it disgusting, and I know that I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I found it boring in some places, it wasn't a heck of a lot like other Rogen films. And I say I didn't like it that much, but I don't wanna be singled out like a old fogey for not liking a film everyone else is in love with.
I suppose once I realised that I'm actually not very happy watching later Seth Rogen films, apart from Bad Neighbours 1 & 2 - they were fucking great, then it's apparent that him and his friends are actually running out of material.

This film lacks body until the end - WHEN THERE'S NOTHING BUT BODY TO BE SEEN.
Urgh I feel dirty.

Purge: Election Year

If I'm honest with ya'll, the Purges are some of the most stressful films I've ever watched. I know they're good films, just sometimes depressing and mostly anxiety inducing. 

And I was in a car crash on Sunday night, so maybe this wasn't the best decision for my heart rate at the moment. 

But it's a Purge film, and it's enjoyable.

Purge: Election Year basically takes on a lot of similarities as of Purge: Anarchy 

It's just like any other Purge film, the trailer promises it to be very scary with all the masks, and rich white people hating on the poor, all that kinda stuff all over again. I say it's just like any other of the Purges, but this one has a lot more likeable characters, even some of the people purging are somewhat likeable, and by that I just mean the two most annoying and bitchy girls ever seen on film are hilarious. 

She fucking came all the way back to a deli to kill the owner, because he wouldn't let her shoplift a Terry's Chocolate Orange...

She was a good actress.

Again like any other Purge film, there's two different stories going on, essentially the white people who get caught in the middle of the outside world, and the minorities trying to just get through the night. Elizabeth Mitchell (that's Juliet from Lost to you), runs for president campaigning to end the Purge once she watched her family be tortured and killed when younger. She has Leo Barnes (Frank Grillo) who survived the Purge: Anarchy, as her body guard. The pair are betrayed by other body guard and some sort of campaign manager, and basically neo-Nazis have A LOT of funding from the founding fathers to capture the senator.

Ofc the pair escape, come into contact with 'murder tourists' and are basically saved because they're kinda useless. 

The pair then come into contact with the other characters, Joe, Marcos and Laney (Mykelti Williamson, Joseph Julian Soria & Betty Gabriel) = my favs. 

These are the best characters, the most funny & the most endearing. Two of whom attempt to guard their deli, while the other roams the streets in attempts to give purgers medical attention. 

And yes it's got all the same tropes, jump scares which made my insides weep. I feel the whole idea of people being stuck out the street while people Purge has just been repeated somewhat here, there are many echoes of Anarchy. Especially as the final climax serves as a replication of rich white people purging together in an act of putting their purges on as a showcase. Y'know JUST LIKE ANARCHY!

But other than that, it's a really enjoyable film, just like the others, but with a message of it being it's last in the franchise. It's full of killing which puts you on edge, as well as somewhat satisfies you - just the good guys killing the bad guys, blah, blah. It's fair acting, mostly from the three most likeable characters, you tend to forget the senator character is even there for the most part, even though she's the main reason the group are together at all. 

I would say this might be the best out of the Purge films, but I can't help but feel that Anarchy just did it a little bit better. 

Finding Dory

It's okay... I mean it's funny, and heartwarming, but perhaps is missing something.

I feel like I'm touching something which doesn't deserve to be put down, and it doesn't - Pixar takes the creative piss in entertaining the young and the old.
I just wish there had been a bit more... cleaning up on the storyline. 

It ain't no Finding Nemo, of course it's not, and I feel like the bandwagon of sequels for Pixar lately hasn't treated them so well. I say that, and am yet only looking forward to Incredibles 2 in the recent future.
I enjoyed it for the most part, I just feel that you shouldn't go in thinking it's going to be like Finding Nemo. I would admit that for about the first half hour it is just taking the same path as Finding Nemo, ridiculous with taking its time to introduce the old characters again. At the end of the film, you'll find it endearing, whilst a ever forgetful Dory suddenly having flashbacks, goes in search of her parents. Her, Marlin and Nemo set off, and I'm still unsure how Nemo got so much time off of school... then a voice comes up in my head like "Sarah, they're fish ffs".
So they meet a lot of fish along the way and by chance they end up getting lost, and being separated, and oh wow once lost the separated three end up where they're meant to be - a rather nice Aquarium of sorts, and rejoin and separate again, and oh there was a lot of getting lost and going round in circles. Anyway, Dory looks for her parents, and along the way finds an octopus, two whales, two seals, a crab couple, Sigourney Weaver, a load of fish who look like her, her childhood home and yet not her parents. And yet again still separated from father and son, Marlin and Nemo, she ends up back the sea... where she finds her parents. And I'll tell you what, it's a sad scene but so happy that it may make you tear up. But that's where the happiness ends, because there suddenly needs to be a massive climax, because it seems like the filmmakers suddenly realised that Dory hadn't actually saved the day or became the hero at all. So they were like "shit" AND PUT HER BACK IN THE AQUARIUM AWAY FROM HER LONG LOST PARENTS WHO SHE JUST FUCKING FOUND, IN ORDER TO SAVE TWO FISH WHO HAD BEEN DICKING HER ABOUT SINCE THE BEGINNING. And there's some more stuff with Hank the Octopus DRIVING A COCKING TRUCK...

You wouldn't know anyone famous was in it apart from Ellen DeGeneres unless you looked at IMDB. However it's like half Modern Family cast, and by that I am over-exaggerating, it's only Ed O'Neil and Ty Burrell. But Ed O'Neil is refreshing in playing the only role he's prone to as of late, which is a grump. The Octopus Hank, played by O'Neil however way one of he funniest characters.

Aaaaand after looking up the IMDB for Finding Dory, I regret saying that the film is lacking within the big limits, it's not really... but then again it is. This film man, it was nice, a nice film. It was fun even, and there were certain parts which I would say were very funny... It is clear though that it is a built up production and marketing had shown that it is indeed a children's film, but more fool me fo no believing that it is solely that. Yet there is the Sigourney Weaver jokes which would go over any child's head.

Finding Dory is a good film, but only to the point of it being a child's film, and I would also maybe advise you of using your cinema trip for something else if you're not looking for such a gushy film as such. The funniest parts mainlyconsider the roles of two seals played by Idris Elba and Dominic West BTW.
Now this review was all over the shop. Feel free to ignore it.