Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Basically this is coming out very late because I am useless and have no self motivation.
I liked this film more than I thought I would.

For what it's worth I like this fashion of spin offs which are coming thick and fast. Don't really know why, I think we all agree that the well of filmmaking is becoming more and more dry, and this is a nice way to tide audiences over until a new wave of originality comes. Now that's what I call sounding pretentious,

Anyway, this film took me by surprise, I didn't even really want to go to the cinema to see it, but I did and I would have regretted it a little if I hadn't.
Although there's no two ways about it, Eddie Redmayne grates on me and I'm too sure why.
Maybe because the last few films he starred in included him playing a disabled man and a trans woman - two things which he isn't. I do think straight actors should stop being praised for playing members of the LGBTQ community. Like, there's so many gay and trans actors on this earth...
But yet, I didn't hate him so much in Fantastic Beasts. I'm pretty sure he did a good job of playing a grown ass bumbling man who always looks like a schoolboy who has been caught doing something he shouldn't be doing. But all in all fair dos to him for pulling off such a character who is likeable and yet somewhat unlikeable all at the same time.

To me Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was totally alike with Harry Potter films, and yet not alike with them as well. I like that this film is set against an unsettled wizarding world, and yet we don't have to endure some acting from Daniel Radcliffe - FYI, I don't actually hate all young posh British actors. Katherine Waterston did a very good job as Redmayne's maybe almost love interest, but more importantly a witch looking to redeem herself in her line of work at the Magical Congress.
So basically, Eddie Redmayne has good intentions on releasing a wild magical beast back into its natural habitat, but all hell breaks loose and he lets all of his collection out. Which means he must collect them all before New York is torn apart. Cue to an enjoyable main storyline. But yet something darker occurs, and that really is basically the best part about the film - Ezra Miller playing yet again another moody and self destructive teenager takes the prize for what I liked most about this film

However the real winner overall here is the actor of Dan Fogler - such a pure character.

Doctor Strange

It's alright...

It's not what I expected, concerning that I'm not as great a lover as I once was of Marvel films. Doctor Strange, well I always thought that he was a bad guy, and this film does give the impression that Steve Strange is pompous twat... but that's about it. 

Basically, he's a talented surgeon who is a massive egotistical twat, drives like a dick and gets into a crash where his hands are ruined for work and it's like ohhhh gosh no, what a shame. 

So he pisses everyone off around him trying to get them fixed, and ends up in India attempting to get them fixed by amending cells and shit. But nah bra, it's magic. Magic from a bald Tilda Swinton, who I believe is meant to actually be played by an Asian person. 

She's actually a little annoying in it, and so is Benedict Cumberbatch. All these amazing actors... doing a mediocre job. 

The writing is a tad messy, and there's a chance that they've compensated for it with all these visual effects, but I'm not complaining. I liked all the space scenes. 

It may just be the character of Steve Strange, he's so unlikable sometimes... just like Tony Stark, no wonder they appear in comics together. 

And maybe it's just me, I'm not a big fan of Marvel films anymore, and I think it's because they make me cringe a bit. Like, I think I'm the only person who really does not like the new Spiderman that much.

I never realised Aunt May was actually eligible to be a AILF all along.

Ew.

Go see it is you're into good soundtracks which run for like 3 songs throughout the whole film. And go see it for some varied funny lines. And go see it if you're really into a film which tries so god damn hard...

Sorry.

Bob wins all for the last half of 2016 (see the review before this).

A Street Cat Named Bob

Hands down... the best film of 2016...
literally.
If you don't agree, go vote Trump again and get out of my sight, you unloved freak.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: scenes of drug use, relapsing, bad trips, some horrible chavs and their poorly treated dogs.

Even though yeah I'm biased because cats are my favourite animal, it's a fun film, where you'll cry and laugh and oh my god literally it's beautiful.
A film like this is needed, even if you're not a great fan of cats and have no sole, then go see this just purely for the Christmas type feeling you'll get.

Bob for Prime Minister - literally fuck 2016 so hard.
Now let's all go eat comfort food, because there's little else enjoyable right now.

Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children

This is a good film.

I mean I liked it, I like children's films which are slightly dark - A Series of Unfortunate Events.

And I also like Tim Burton, even if he hasn't got much originality...

I mean I can see what people mean by the second half being a plot so crazy that it tends not to make sense, and that's a small unlikable factor to it really. Some of the best characters vanish, and we're left with just the children saving the day, and it ends up with a slight air of 5 Children and It, Nanny McPhee about it. Which is getting deader by the year. 

Samuel L Jackson was possibly my favourite part about it, yet it was always gonna be hard to watch him play an enemy role without being able to swear. Like he did a good acting job here, but you could tell that he was trying hard not to drop f-bombs right and left. And if I were to say my favourite part of the film were him then that would be the honest truth.  

There's a Tim Burton cameo which I for one was so surprised by it, even if it a literal second shot of him getting hit by a walking skeleton. I never thought that he did cameos in his films, he didn't seem like that type of filmmaker - i.e. one with a big ol ego.
But yeah he is.

Rupert Everett is a good actor when it comes to comedy roles, I'm not used to seeing him in any other role really... apart from that pure joyous character in My Best Friend's Wedding. But I will say the one thing which impressed me with this film is the level of acting which has been produced, both from the young and old actors, I mean there isn't anyone who is really awful in it. And it is in the long run a good film, it's a fun film, with meaning, as well as a load of dark shit in it.
I can see what critics mean when not liking the second half of the film - they said it makes little sense. And I would agree with that, there is something about the ending which didn't sit too right with me, but then again trying to explain complicated time travel sends me up the walls. Afterall I feel that the first half is truly a good solid film, it's different, but the second half does loose that somewhat. But that doesn't necessarily mean the film is completely let down by it.

I.. I dunno how else to put it just go see it. This review is all other the shop.

Chris O'Donal should never do a fucking American accent again in the history of moving image - he wasn't even putting it on at one point, just pure Irish accent.

The Girl On The Train

I've (like half of Britain) have read the book, and yes loved it. Mainly just because it was an easy read, got in done in around 3-4 days whilst I was on my holidays in Greece. It was one of those books that when you're talked to while reading it, you get pissed off due to being drawn away from it. 

But anyway the film was good. Like the book for me I only really liked one part of it - the character of Rachael. 

I don't know about anyone else, but I hated every single character in the book, apart from Rachael. And low and behold, I hated every single character in the film, except for Rachael. 

It has to be said - Emily Blunt was absolutely flawless. I watched feeling like this could be an Oscar win for her. Everyone else in it was fine - and it doesn't help that I actually hate every single character more now that they've been visualised for me more. I mean Alison Janey is the inspector, and you've got surprisingly Laura Prepon as Rachael's flatmate, and they're both people I genuinely like, but their characters are just sort of there. 

So all in all I like this film, and maybe it's purely because of the character of Rachael and Emily Blunt's performance. But I went into this film with more than half a bottle of wine in me... I had a hard day, let's not judge. And at the end of the day i can't give you all a very good criticism on this film... because my perspective was askew and I regret nothing.

Although I would in no way advise going into watching a film at the cinema half-cut, it was a little hard to keep focus. And also the whole experience was difficult concerning not only the drink, but it was mixed in with being seated quite near to the front. 

Never again will I mix that together.

If you've read the book, you'll know that it is a very quick read, there are jumps in time, but all makes sense at the end. Now if you think that the booking ending was nice and quick, it's a lot bloody quicker in the film. And that's not necessarily a bad thing - especially when you're sat there almost going into comatose state from needing the toilet.

So yeah, I promise you that you will in no way like many of the characters, if any. But you will love Emily Blunt in it, the character of Rachael is a precious soul who only deserves goodness and NOT A FUCKING RAPIST KILLER CHARISMATIC FUCK LIKE TOM.

Why does every woman on earth seem to jump into bed with Tom, he's a evil human-being, urgh and fuck me the characters of Anna and Megan are just so unlikable. Purely just because they fall over themselves for Tom. Oh god and Scott is awful, aw y'know what just cut together clips of Rachael for me and that's the film I would rather see. 

Good luck reading any of that and wanting to see the film. 

Don't Breathe

That shit is freaking crazy...

Probably the best Horror of the year, except I would place it nearer to Thriller than Horror. By the way this film is kinda never ending - which I never thought I would say, but it made it more entertaining.
Don't Breathe follows the three most useless burglars in the world - Rocky, Alex and Money. They decide to rob a blind man, a veteran, not knowing the blueprints of the house, where to find the money they're after, and in no way thinking the blind dude has senses other than eyesight. Like he's blind, not deaf, even if they do gas him whilst he's sleeping, don't mean everyone should shout about it.
So basically, the blind veteran, who has no actual name, got an settlement of money from a rich girl who ran over his daughter and killed her. The trio plan on robbing him only for the money, and Rocky and Money decide to move out of town once completing their final hit.
All you really need to know is that Rocky is abused emotionally at home by her mum, Money is her boyfriend who dabbles in unsavoury stuff, and Alex is the son of the boss of a home security company - i.e. how the three of them get into the houses. Oh yeah he's in love with Rocky.
There is a cute doggy, but he's not very nice as he's owned by the blind man seeking revenge on the people burgling him.
But he always looks like he's smiling and I can't help still liking him.

It starts off well, and may get slow by the time the main characters actually get into robbing the blind man, and from there the jump scares take their time to appear. But when they do, oh boy oh pal old sonny dear me oh my. It is just one thing after another.

The twist - and yeah, I've just ruined the fact that there's a twist for you, sorry - it's pretty good, but I knew there was one big ass plot twist coming upon reading reviews. So I was guessing before getting in there, and had a feeling it would be that there is someone or someones locked in the basement and such, and I figured that it would children. You see I watched the last three seasons of Law & Order: SVU within about two weeks and was still in the mode.
It's not, but it's still fucked up.

I haven't actually seen that many films in the cinema this year, due to being stone cold broke and such, but this is worth it - especially within the cinema setting, you need to watch it very loudly obviously.
Anyway go see Don't Breathe because it will fuck you up... in a good way.
You're gonna wish you spend your money on seeing this in the cinema rather than Sausage Party. 

Sausage Party

... There are few words.

I just don't know...
It's amazing how Seth Rogen & co just keep getting more and more offensive, and yet make it somewhat quite funny. But this, it kinda takes the piss a bit with pushing the offensive stereotypes and such. Because throughout Sausage Party you'll find that you'll laugh a little, and then not at all.

This is a hard film to explain, it's an average film for the most part - it's mostly stoner comedy (obviously, it's talking food), and that's probably why the storyline is so lackluster and why I got so bored. Which is strange because I'm usually not too bored with stoner comedies - I use to be a regular little fuck boy-loving girl going after the more undesired boys.
Oh how far we've come.

And that's all well and good... until the ending, and kids... I am scarred for life.
It's been a whole three days since and I still want to scrub my brain clean of the images.
(SPOILERS)
I get that when individuals are high off their asses they may often wonder the process of how food could, if at all, have sexual intercourse - but I for one haven't thought about it in my life AND I DIDN'T PAY £7.90 OUT OF MY OVERDRAFT TO BE DAMAGED LIKE THAT!
An actual orgy of food isn't nice.

Some may find it hilarious and some may find it disgusting, and I know that I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I found it boring in some places, it wasn't a heck of a lot like other Rogen films. And I say I didn't like it that much, but I don't wanna be singled out like a old fogey for not liking a film everyone else is in love with.
I suppose once I realised that I'm actually not very happy watching later Seth Rogen films, apart from Bad Neighbours 1 & 2 - they were fucking great, then it's apparent that him and his friends are actually running out of material.

This film lacks body until the end - WHEN THERE'S NOTHING BUT BODY TO BE SEEN.
Urgh I feel dirty.