La La Land

 This review may be short and not worth reading because I have little and uninteresting opinions on it. Also, I didn't cry, and it's come to my attention that when upon watching the ending to La La Land apparently most people tend to cry.



Maybe it was just me, a film doesn't tend to make me cry unless an animal or robot die in the end, or Mrs Doubtfire gives touching speech on divorced families. I might tear up now just thinking about it. But this doesn't make me some freak with no heart, there are many many more film endings on earth which are sadder than this one.

Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are good actors in this, and the direction and aesthetic are good. This film is plain good... I have a problem with Stone and Gosling's singing voices. For a supposed 'Musical' they have the least strong voices for this type of singing, and yet, you do get this feeling that it isn't really a musical. It's more 'look at all these dance moves and ignore everything else'.

It is a film made for Oscar season, there's no doubt about it. And that's all there is about it. It is a nice story, with nice characters. And for some reason John Legend pops out of nowhere.

So yeah, go see this with your mum and nan, because it's that type of audience in some ways. I literally have nothing else to say on this film, sorry.

The Edge of Seventeen

Well yeah it's basically like Easy A. And essentially just expect all that you know what comes out of films like Easy A and Juno - spunky edgy girl who should be breaking THE FUCK DOWN but somehow holds it all together throughout her tough teen years where she just isn't like the other kids. I liked it of course, I mean this was the type of film I latched onto when I was seventeen, but seventeen year old Sarah was confused and annoying (I watched a lot of Kevin Smith in hope of getting a guy to like me).

Don't do it girls and boys.

So we have Nadine who has no friends throughout all of her early life, whereas her older brother Darian has everything made up for him in life. But of course Nadine finds someone as weird as her, and we meet Krista, the pair have been friends since a young age and depend on no one else. But of course Krista is in some ways better looking and more likeable than Nadine - HMM WHERE HAVE WE SEEN THIS BEFORE??? EASY A AND MOTHER FUCKING JUNO... THE DUFF?!

In a slice, this film isn't very independent in its storyline of course... I feel like I'm going to be writing the words 'of course' a lot in this.

Suddenly, Nadine catches Krista in bed with her brother after a night of drinking, and everything goes to shit for Nadine - oh yeah by the way her dad died a couple of years before all of this, so hello we have something sort of new in the teen film. Later on throughout the film we see Nadine take some of her meds - antidepressants, which I am so thankful for. Finally on camera it shows teen audiences that no you can't just sing a song or have a baby or write a fucking article and everything changes during your teen years. And it also shows the effects of her meds, Nadine gets down and begins to feel ill - trust me they're no happy pills. THANK YOU KELLY FREMON CRAIG. 

So, Nadine obviously gets along really well with her father, until the dad has to be replaced for another male figure in her life - oh look at that luckily she has this rude and blunt but in some ways hot teacher. This is where it gets weird for me because I had that teacher at school, except mine wasn't hot, I just saw him as someone to discuss The Smiths and Breaking Bad with... fuck me, younger Sarah was so awfully feminist but yet not attempting to support ALL of her fellow sisters - like seriously fuck younger Sarah Rogers, like really. 

Like this film sniffs so much of any other teen film. Nadine thinks she is before her time, and wants all her peers to stop looking at their phones and living on social media and contacting through emojis. WELL JOKES ON YOU NADINE BECAUSE THIS IS THE REAL WORLD AND WE USE TEXTING. I hate people my age and younger or a little older who think they should have been born in the 50s, like literally fuck off, AND Nadine fucking uses all of the big three she exclaims to hate - texting, facebook and emojis. What an problematic character.

So even though Nadine has a huge fight with so-called best friend Kirsta, she goes about life not speaking to her as her former best friend begins dating her brother and leaving her out of things. Nadine likes the bad boy, but should really be looking in the opposite direction with the guy she inadvertently is stringing along - poor old arty nerd guy who sometimes isn't white. For the most part it is a whole cliche, but at the end of the day it's no ordinary teen film, because Nadine is weird and awkward and rambles, and yeah it's nice to see that different type of character. But at the end of the day, she is a very attractive thin white girl. And when he her universe breaks down because the hot bad guy turns out to be a groping jerk-off, the same old Coldplay song begins as she finally breaks down. And yeah, it is just a generic teen film. 

And there's not really much wrong with that. In this case, I like this character, but only to a degree, she is very problematic at some points - like why she calling her history teacher to come collect her after she fights off the jerk-off? It does have a lot of 'women need men to exist'. And also as much as I do think Nadine is problematic, I do think she deserves to break the fuck down and have a crisis about her brother fucking her best friend and everyone treating her like she's temperamental.

Fuck knows that it is hard being young with a mental illness. 

It is a good film for the most part. But, it will induce a lot of anxiety. And there is a part where Nadine apologises to her brother, and he never even fucking APOLOGISES TO HER BUT KRISTA DOES LIKE JESUS FUCK JUST SAY SORRY FOR FUCKING UP YOUR SISTER'S LIFE EVEN MORE.  

Sorry.

A side note would also be that you won't fucking know what fucking era this film is set in for quite a long time, until a phone is introduced you'll only just realise oh this is at least the 2010s. 

My god I am salty today.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Looooooooooved it.

Nothing much to say, other than LOOOOOOVED IT.

There is little to nothing wrong with this.

SPOILERS:

Sad ending but necessary because basically there's no other way of putting it other than everyone needed to die at the end.

The character of Tarkin was done well, but once I knew beforehand that he would be animated in, I couldn't see anything but that. He looked a little like a playstation characters. I mean good effort, but once you know he's not actually there, you can't get past it - lots of shots of his back, etc. Which was the only problem I had with the film, well not even a problem really.

"JUST GIVE ME MORE STAR WARS"

I scream as I lay in bed ill and watch nothing but episodes 4-6 all day long. 

Moana

Before seeing this film I wasn't having the cheeriest of days, what with all that stress and worrying I tend to do on a daily basis lately over just about everything, and then not doing anything to resolve the stressing and worrying, a Disney film was really just what I needed to take me away from that mess I call a life,

So, Moana is quite a nice film. I enjoy Disney trying to make films which include other cultures, I admit that they usually don't pull it off incredibly well, but every once in a while I can let some things go and enjoy most Disney films.
What I like about this film is that Moana is not a princess, even though I do like a good princess movie as much as the next person, it was refreshing. Even though she was mainly listed to her tribe as the daughter of the chief, which is problematic in itself. BUT YET, she was in training to take over her father's role and become chief, so it's conflicting.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson is probably the most likeable part about this film, and he actually has a really good singing voice. Him being of Polynesian heritage makes it more enjoyable for some reason. Dwayne The Rock Johnson plays the character of Maui who has to be found by main character and totally not a princess Moana. In order to save her people and village from a curse put out onto their crops and fishing due to Maui being selfish and such for stealing the heart of Mother Nature for the tribe. Or something along those lines. So Moana has to meet the call of the ocean in order to save the tribe.
Ensue a lot of motivational songs and forced funny parts from her animal sidekick - again she has all the bearings of a Disney Princess, but heck she ain't got that label. There's even an inside joke from the character of Maui, a demigod, about Moana really being a princess due to her funny pet sidekick.

A very interesting and overall educational film, which doesn't let you forget that it's a Disney film. For the most part from what I can tell, Disney have done a good job of not mucking up a whole culture all together again.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Basically this is coming out very late because I am useless and have no self motivation.
I liked this film more than I thought I would.

For what it's worth I like this fashion of spin offs which are coming thick and fast. Don't really know why, I think we all agree that the well of filmmaking is becoming more and more dry, and this is a nice way to tide audiences over until a new wave of originality comes. Now that's what I call sounding pretentious,

Anyway, this film took me by surprise, I didn't even really want to go to the cinema to see it, but I did and I would have regretted it a little if I hadn't.
Although there's no two ways about it, Eddie Redmayne grates on me and I'm too sure why.
Maybe because the last few films he starred in included him playing a disabled man and a trans woman - two things which he isn't. I do think straight actors should stop being praised for playing members of the LGBTQ community. Like, there's so many gay and trans actors on this earth...
But yet, I didn't hate him so much in Fantastic Beasts. I'm pretty sure he did a good job of playing a grown ass bumbling man who always looks like a schoolboy who has been caught doing something he shouldn't be doing. But all in all fair dos to him for pulling off such a character who is likeable and yet somewhat unlikeable all at the same time.

To me Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was totally alike with Harry Potter films, and yet not alike with them as well. I like that this film is set against an unsettled wizarding world, and yet we don't have to endure some acting from Daniel Radcliffe - FYI, I don't actually hate all young posh British actors. Katherine Waterston did a very good job as Redmayne's maybe almost love interest, but more importantly a witch looking to redeem herself in her line of work at the Magical Congress.
So basically, Eddie Redmayne has good intentions on releasing a wild magical beast back into its natural habitat, but all hell breaks loose and he lets all of his collection out. Which means he must collect them all before New York is torn apart. Cue to an enjoyable main storyline. But yet something darker occurs, and that really is basically the best part about the film - Ezra Miller playing yet again another moody and self destructive teenager takes the prize for what I liked most about this film

However the real winner overall here is the actor of Dan Fogler - such a pure character.

Doctor Strange

It's alright...

It's not what I expected, concerning that I'm not as great a lover as I once was of Marvel films. Doctor Strange, well I always thought that he was a bad guy, and this film does give the impression that Steve Strange is pompous twat... but that's about it. 

Basically, he's a talented surgeon who is a massive egotistical twat, drives like a dick and gets into a crash where his hands are ruined for work and it's like ohhhh gosh no, what a shame. 

So he pisses everyone off around him trying to get them fixed, and ends up in India attempting to get them fixed by amending cells and shit. But nah bra, it's magic. Magic from a bald Tilda Swinton, who I believe is meant to actually be played by an Asian person. 

She's actually a little annoying in it, and so is Benedict Cumberbatch. All these amazing actors... doing a mediocre job. 

The writing is a tad messy, and there's a chance that they've compensated for it with all these visual effects, but I'm not complaining. I liked all the space scenes. 

It may just be the character of Steve Strange, he's so unlikable sometimes... just like Tony Stark, no wonder they appear in comics together. 

And maybe it's just me, I'm not a big fan of Marvel films anymore, and I think it's because they make me cringe a bit. Like, I think I'm the only person who really does not like the new Spiderman that much.

I never realised Aunt May was actually eligible to be a AILF all along.

Ew.

Go see it is you're into good soundtracks which run for like 3 songs throughout the whole film. And go see it for some varied funny lines. And go see it if you're really into a film which tries so god damn hard...

Sorry.

Bob wins all for the last half of 2016 (see the review before this).

A Street Cat Named Bob

Hands down... the best film of 2016...
literally.
If you don't agree, go vote Trump again and get out of my sight, you unloved freak.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: scenes of drug use, relapsing, bad trips, some horrible chavs and their poorly treated dogs.

Even though yeah I'm biased because cats are my favourite animal, it's a fun film, where you'll cry and laugh and oh my god literally it's beautiful.
A film like this is needed, even if you're not a great fan of cats and have no sole, then go see this just purely for the Christmas type feeling you'll get.

Bob for Prime Minister - literally fuck 2016 so hard.
Now let's all go eat comfort food, because there's little else enjoyable right now.