Don't Breathe

That shit is freaking crazy...

Probably the best Horror of the year, except I would place it nearer to Thriller than Horror. By the way this film is kinda never ending - which I never thought I would say, but it made it more entertaining.
Don't Breathe follows the three most useless burglars in the world - Rocky, Alex and Money. They decide to rob a blind man, a veteran, not knowing the blueprints of the house, where to find the money they're after, and in no way thinking the blind dude has senses other than eyesight. Like he's blind, not deaf, even if they do gas him whilst he's sleeping, don't mean everyone should shout about it.
So basically, the blind veteran, who has no actual name, got an settlement of money from a rich girl who ran over his daughter and killed her. The trio plan on robbing him only for the money, and Rocky and Money decide to move out of town once completing their final hit.
All you really need to know is that Rocky is abused emotionally at home by her mum, Money is her boyfriend who dabbles in unsavoury stuff, and Alex is the son of the boss of a home security company - i.e. how the three of them get into the houses. Oh yeah he's in love with Rocky.
There is a cute doggy, but he's not very nice as he's owned by the blind man seeking revenge on the people burgling him.
But he always looks like he's smiling and I can't help still liking him.

It starts off well, and may get slow by the time the main characters actually get into robbing the blind man, and from there the jump scares take their time to appear. But when they do, oh boy oh pal old sonny dear me oh my. It is just one thing after another.

The twist - and yeah, I've just ruined the fact that there's a twist for you, sorry - it's pretty good, but I knew there was one big ass plot twist coming upon reading reviews. So I was guessing before getting in there, and had a feeling it would be that there is someone or someones locked in the basement and such, and I figured that it would children. You see I watched the last three seasons of Law & Order: SVU within about two weeks and was still in the mode.
It's not, but it's still fucked up.

I haven't actually seen that many films in the cinema this year, due to being stone cold broke and such, but this is worth it - especially within the cinema setting, you need to watch it very loudly obviously.
Anyway go see Don't Breathe because it will fuck you up... in a good way.
You're gonna wish you spend your money on seeing this in the cinema rather than Sausage Party. 

Sausage Party

... There are few words.

I just don't know...
It's amazing how Seth Rogen & co just keep getting more and more offensive, and yet make it somewhat quite funny. But this, it kinda takes the piss a bit with pushing the offensive stereotypes and such. Because throughout Sausage Party you'll find that you'll laugh a little, and then not at all.

This is a hard film to explain, it's an average film for the most part - it's mostly stoner comedy (obviously, it's talking food), and that's probably why the storyline is so lackluster and why I got so bored. Which is strange because I'm usually not too bored with stoner comedies - I use to be a regular little fuck boy-loving girl going after the more undesired boys.
Oh how far we've come.

And that's all well and good... until the ending, and kids... I am scarred for life.
It's been a whole three days since and I still want to scrub my brain clean of the images.
(SPOILERS)
I get that when individuals are high off their asses they may often wonder the process of how food could, if at all, have sexual intercourse - but I for one haven't thought about it in my life AND I DIDN'T PAY £7.90 OUT OF MY OVERDRAFT TO BE DAMAGED LIKE THAT!
An actual orgy of food isn't nice.

Some may find it hilarious and some may find it disgusting, and I know that I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I found it boring in some places, it wasn't a heck of a lot like other Rogen films. And I say I didn't like it that much, but I don't wanna be singled out like a old fogey for not liking a film everyone else is in love with.
I suppose once I realised that I'm actually not very happy watching later Seth Rogen films, apart from Bad Neighbours 1 & 2 - they were fucking great, then it's apparent that him and his friends are actually running out of material.

This film lacks body until the end - WHEN THERE'S NOTHING BUT BODY TO BE SEEN.
Urgh I feel dirty.

Purge: Election Year

If I'm honest with ya'll, the Purges are some of the most stressful films I've ever watched. I know they're good films, just sometimes depressing and mostly anxiety inducing. 

And I was in a car crash on Sunday night, so maybe this wasn't the best decision for my heart rate at the moment. 

But it's a Purge film, and it's enjoyable.

Purge: Election Year basically takes on a lot of similarities as of Purge: Anarchy 

It's just like any other Purge film, the trailer promises it to be very scary with all the masks, and rich white people hating on the poor, all that kinda stuff all over again. I say it's just like any other of the Purges, but this one has a lot more likeable characters, even some of the people purging are somewhat likeable, and by that I just mean the two most annoying and bitchy girls ever seen on film are hilarious. 

She fucking came all the way back to a deli to kill the owner, because he wouldn't let her shoplift a Terry's Chocolate Orange...

She was a good actress.

Again like any other Purge film, there's two different stories going on, essentially the white people who get caught in the middle of the outside world, and the minorities trying to just get through the night. Elizabeth Mitchell (that's Juliet from Lost to you), runs for president campaigning to end the Purge once she watched her family be tortured and killed when younger. She has Leo Barnes (Frank Grillo) who survived the Purge: Anarchy, as her body guard. The pair are betrayed by other body guard and some sort of campaign manager, and basically neo-Nazis have A LOT of funding from the founding fathers to capture the senator.

Ofc the pair escape, come into contact with 'murder tourists' and are basically saved because they're kinda useless. 

The pair then come into contact with the other characters, Joe, Marcos and Laney (Mykelti Williamson, Joseph Julian Soria & Betty Gabriel) = my favs. 

These are the best characters, the most funny & the most endearing. Two of whom attempt to guard their deli, while the other roams the streets in attempts to give purgers medical attention. 

And yes it's got all the same tropes, jump scares which made my insides weep. I feel the whole idea of people being stuck out the street while people Purge has just been repeated somewhat here, there are many echoes of Anarchy. Especially as the final climax serves as a replication of rich white people purging together in an act of putting their purges on as a showcase. Y'know JUST LIKE ANARCHY!

But other than that, it's a really enjoyable film, just like the others, but with a message of it being it's last in the franchise. It's full of killing which puts you on edge, as well as somewhat satisfies you - just the good guys killing the bad guys, blah, blah. It's fair acting, mostly from the three most likeable characters, you tend to forget the senator character is even there for the most part, even though she's the main reason the group are together at all. 

I would say this might be the best out of the Purge films, but I can't help but feel that Anarchy just did it a little bit better. 

Finding Dory

It's okay... I mean it's funny, and heartwarming, but perhaps is missing something.

I feel like I'm touching something which doesn't deserve to be put down, and it doesn't - Pixar takes the creative piss in entertaining the young and the old.
I just wish there had been a bit more... cleaning up on the storyline. 

It ain't no Finding Nemo, of course it's not, and I feel like the bandwagon of sequels for Pixar lately hasn't treated them so well. I say that, and am yet only looking forward to Incredibles 2 in the recent future.
I enjoyed it for the most part, I just feel that you shouldn't go in thinking it's going to be like Finding Nemo. I would admit that for about the first half hour it is just taking the same path as Finding Nemo, ridiculous with taking its time to introduce the old characters again. At the end of the film, you'll find it endearing, whilst a ever forgetful Dory suddenly having flashbacks, goes in search of her parents. Her, Marlin and Nemo set off, and I'm still unsure how Nemo got so much time off of school... then a voice comes up in my head like "Sarah, they're fish ffs".
So they meet a lot of fish along the way and by chance they end up getting lost, and being separated, and oh wow once lost the separated three end up where they're meant to be - a rather nice Aquarium of sorts, and rejoin and separate again, and oh there was a lot of getting lost and going round in circles. Anyway, Dory looks for her parents, and along the way finds an octopus, two whales, two seals, a crab couple, Sigourney Weaver, a load of fish who look like her, her childhood home and yet not her parents. And yet again still separated from father and son, Marlin and Nemo, she ends up back the sea... where she finds her parents. And I'll tell you what, it's a sad scene but so happy that it may make you tear up. But that's where the happiness ends, because there suddenly needs to be a massive climax, because it seems like the filmmakers suddenly realised that Dory hadn't actually saved the day or became the hero at all. So they were like "shit" AND PUT HER BACK IN THE AQUARIUM AWAY FROM HER LONG LOST PARENTS WHO SHE JUST FUCKING FOUND, IN ORDER TO SAVE TWO FISH WHO HAD BEEN DICKING HER ABOUT SINCE THE BEGINNING. And there's some more stuff with Hank the Octopus DRIVING A COCKING TRUCK...

You wouldn't know anyone famous was in it apart from Ellen DeGeneres unless you looked at IMDB. However it's like half Modern Family cast, and by that I am over-exaggerating, it's only Ed O'Neil and Ty Burrell. But Ed O'Neil is refreshing in playing the only role he's prone to as of late, which is a grump. The Octopus Hank, played by O'Neil however way one of he funniest characters.

Aaaaand after looking up the IMDB for Finding Dory, I regret saying that the film is lacking within the big limits, it's not really... but then again it is. This film man, it was nice, a nice film. It was fun even, and there were certain parts which I would say were very funny... It is clear though that it is a built up production and marketing had shown that it is indeed a children's film, but more fool me fo no believing that it is solely that. Yet there is the Sigourney Weaver jokes which would go over any child's head.

Finding Dory is a good film, but only to the point of it being a child's film, and I would also maybe advise you of using your cinema trip for something else if you're not looking for such a gushy film as such. The funniest parts mainlyconsider the roles of two seals played by Idris Elba and Dominic West BTW.
Now this review was all over the shop. Feel free to ignore it.

Suicide Squad

Why does everyone hate it so much? I quite liked it, I was settling in ready for a let down due to all the relatively negative reviews, but well pleasantly surprised. 

But so, I can understand why it didn't live up to the trailer, I suppose most people got the image of it being a serious film with elements of humour... not injected with the cheese I was met with. But it's lucky that I can handle a certain amount of cheese within a film. 

I realise I'm not making much sense, but neither does much of the film...

So, let's start off with it's mainly the fact that likeable characters are carrying the film throughout, I wouldn't say that the storyline is particularly amazing, as well as the directing job. David Ayers has done well, just to the point of making sure the film echoes the fact that it is in fact based on a comic book. Maybe most audiences forgot that fact, I dunno.

It's enjoyable for the most part however, it's fast-paced to point where I guess you could say it feels a little rushed at some parts. And you've got to give it to this take on antiheroes - this is one reasonably multicultural gang.

Will Smith and Margot Robbie take over the show overall, as Deadshot and Harley Quinn. Afterall we were expecting a good performance from Robbie, but I would say we got a pretty freaking great one. Other than that you'll find Captain Boomerang funny, El Diablo and Killer Croc both quite lovable in a strange way and Katana isn't given anything but a background role of  'helper'. However Viola Davis is always as good as ever, there's no two ways about it, just her presence on screen gives me life.

People who could have done better begins with Cara Delevinge, supposedly she didn't ruin the film by her hand alone, but one of the ending scenes of the Enchantress downfall made up my mind that this woman is not a good actress, She's okay... but not good. And um, I hate to say this but... I didn't really enjoy Jared Leto's Joker. Not as much as I thought I would anyway, I suppose the hype built around the whole film has let some people, fans and non-fans, down to a certain degree. The Joker is a hard role, like c'mon he was taking on a lot with it. But the promises were made and not delivered as smooth as would have liked. He seemed very awkward throughout it all, like the persona was so totally under his control that he had to force out the crazy. 

Let's just say that Margot Robbie made crazy look easy, whereas Jared Leto made me feel uncomfortable but not the right way. And also, let's face it, there's only ever going to be Heath Ledger's live action, and Mark Hamill's voice to put he shame in the Joker category. 

But here's the once part which left a bad taste in my mouth, Enchantress was so boring and over-animated it made my head hurt. Now I'm no fan of the Suicide Squad comics or their place within the DC universe, I haven't got a lot of knowledge about them, and that probably doesn't help int he way of anyone reading this sub-par review. But I came away from the cinema reasoning the choice of a fucking witch being used as the enemy. I assume her character is the same in the comics, but think of it this way if you can't get your head around the absurdness of a group of bad guys fighting against a witch. The film would've found it hard for the essential 'bad guys' to be fighting for the greater good against Superman or Batman. With the Suicide Squad joining forces with the army, it had to be an object with unnatural force for them to want to fight to save the city. 

Does that make sense?

No, none of this really does, I know. This was a hard film to review.

At the end of the day, don't come into the cinema with a mind set on what you saw in the trailer, there's a lot to the film which you won't see in the way of storyline and will probably take you by surprise if you enter with your mindset in the way of a serious superhero film. It's a comedy, with action in it, try to take your mind away from the fact that there's alien-like creatures used as an army against the protagonists and an actual witch as the force of evil.  

I would advise to go in with limited high hopes, because you will be surprised for the better. Things you will take away from Suicide Squad is the enjoyable characters, and the fact that Ben Affleck's Batman has only about 20 seconds of time on screen. 

However it has a pretty great soundtrack, songs I haven't listened to since I was 17 and attempting to write my own graphic novel...

*Ted Mosby voice* - But more on that later. 

I'm joking, no one will ever want to make my graphic novel, because I am too lazy to write anything further than these lame reviews and a couple of essays for uni... 

God help me this dissertation year. 

Ghostbusters

And so I'm being thrown into a match with a wild fuckboy, making it clear that he won't go see this film because he's read bad reviews. So it's like alright, I'll buy that, even though every review I saw was generally positive and it's like where the heck are you seeing these bad reviews? And he's like how do you know it's going to be good if you haven't seen it....

and I'm like you JUST contradicted yourself up the wall mate!! But he keeps on, and on and on, and I'm stuck in this weird fight with a 'man of science' wanting to know my favourite films, then brings up lady Ghostbusters and goes off on a rant and won't listen to what I have to say. Oh but he will listen when I ask if he won't see it because it's got women in it? Then I was told not to bring gender into it... and yet he goes on to be the rudest little bitch about Leslie Jones, and at this point lads I'm completely done with this odd angst filled freak I never asked to speak to in the first place. He says that some of his favourite films have strong female leads, so I say if it's Kill Bill... then well done you. (Detect the sarcasm)

And my boyfriend put a stop to it. 

But anyway I saw Ghostbusters, and let me tell you, if you're reading negative reviews about this film, and they are written by men? Then fucking put that away and I'll lay down the truth. 

So I'm pissed off at the craze which manages to put down the whole cast and brands them as 'ruining' the original, and at the same time singles out Leslie Jones with horrid racist trolling. Seriously, it's freaking heinous. 

Let me start this review/rightful rant with the main selling factor of Ghostbusters, the original was great and funny... but this, it's hilarious! Until you watch it, you will understand that it combines elements of SNL with each woman's individual comedy, and it god damn works well.

I cried!

I literally cried with laughter at two specific parts, concerning all three main cast members. 

And let me tell you, Leslie Jones I would say was actually the funniest member of the Ghostbusters team. She has some of the funniest lines and pulls off her character well. At the end of the day, all of the Ghostbusters cast worked well together, and I haven't laughed that hard since Deadpool. 

The reboot starts off with actually a relatively scary introduction, but only gets funnier from there. Two old friends are brought back together, Kristen Wiig - Erin Gilbert and Melissa McCarthy - Abby Yates, by the promise of ghosts after being apart due to academic purposes. So I've decided that I quite like it when, main characters start the film off in a feud. But with Ghostbusters, this time around there's no notice of the pair making up, they just sort of bond through catching ghosts, and there's very little meaningful parts, which I think works. That isn't to say that the film is just laugh upon laugh constantly, it's quite a lot more than that. Abby's lab partner Gillian Holtzmann is weird but smart, and the three gently start finding ghosts. Where Leslie Jones - Patty Tolan, steps in and joins after seeing them catch one and therefore leaves her job at the subway in order to put herself in a "room full of nightmares". 

The gang hire out the room above a Chinese restaurant along with good looking, but dumb dumb receptionist Chris Hemsworth - Kevin. And let me tell you, he took on a lot with this character, and yet happily delivered. In parts I have to say he may have stolen the show. 

So a ghost invasion ensues, thanks the help of long time freak and insecure male Neil Casey - Rowan North, who has a problem with the living and wants New York City back to the 1920-30s it seems, only with the dead walking around 'annoying' the living. 

I realise I may not be selling this film well, due to the rage towards old time fans and trolls. But I implore you to see this, take your daughters and maybe cover their eyes at one part where the bird is flipped. But this film, it was needed, whether or not it was going to be insanely funny.  

And if you think in anyway this reboot does not do the original justice, then open your fucking eyes and see all three remaining cast members make cameo appearances and GET TO FUCK! 

It seems to be a fan-base of the original wanting to insert themselves head first into Bill Murray's nether regions who want this to be a flop, but it wasn't, it's the total opposite! And Bill Murray wasn't even that funny in it, Dan Aykroyd has the funniest lines out of the three, and also Ernie Hudson's last line ended the film with the whole cinema laughing.

And note that Dan Aykroyd isn't happy with the racism being thrown around, so you're not impressing anyone, literally. I feel from my encounter with the boy who refused to see a film with funny and strong females leads, had a main problem with Leslie Jones, calling her out on acting like 'a stereotypical black woman', whilst Ernie Hudson was 'totally normal dude in the orginal'. And I've found in my time in the adult world, in the time of opening my eyes, if there's one thing white cis men hate more on this earth than women owning the fact that they are a woman... it is a black woman owning their race and gender. 

And that audience makes me sadder than anything on earth.

Go watch Ghostbusters and cheer yourself up from the world, I mean Ozzy Ozbourne makes a cameo!

The Conjuring 2

Sometimes I often wonder why I put myself through the torture of scary movies, it comes to the point where the sleepless nights and working up my anxiety and paranoia isn't worth it at the end of the day...

But having said that, The Conjuring 2, whilst scaring me, allowed me to have somewhat relaxed nights.

But then again having said that, I did watch it from behind my hands being clasped tight to my face.
Basically it's a good film, to the point where it's more entertaining in other ways rather than scaring the life out of you. The fact that there's humour injected into it makes it confusing as to what type of horror this actually is. Especially concerning the first movie being one of the most unnerving horror films I have watched in my life.

I feel that the let down could probably be down to the fact that the sequel is set in England. So in turn there pursues the ideal of British comedy coming in characters being awkward and so on.
So it's an odd mixture at times, but yet still fun to watch.
However I will say that it's long for a horror film. And the whole idea of an old man haunting a family isn't plausible. Which is the right way of thinking, because it's based on a real story from London where the little girl FAKED ALL OF IT FOR ATTENTION. Like seriously little girl? You going to play around with dark forces. The Enfield Haunting obviously was a load of bull, seeing as the kid put her hand in front of her mouth any time the ghost of Bill Wilkins came through her. And SHE EVEN ADMITTED THAT SHE WAS FAKING. But alas scraped together that she started off faking, but it suddenly got real.
Well yeah, it's based on a true story, and effectively glamorised for Hollywood.
So, a dead Bill Wilkins is haunting a little girl (supposedly), and to be fair James Wan did a good job of putting horrible images in my head. Yet, it's just and old man in the end. Racist old granddad Bill roaming around the house trying to get Songs of Praise on the telly.

Thankfully though, it's not all that and there's darker forces at work... in the style of a demon who genuinely scares me still two days after watching it. As well as that there's some 'Crooked Man' pissing about looking incredibly animated and not scaring anyone at all. That is until you find out that he was not animated at all and is in fact a human contortionist... yikes.
So two main demons, and poor old Bill isn't all to blame in the end, no it's the one who looks suspiciously like Marilyn Manson instead.    
In the end there's a one worded answer which saves the day, and I spotted what the word was way at the beginning of the film where the demon comes to visit the Warrens in their home.
GO ME!

So to sum up, there's some quite scary parts in it. But overall it's let down by the England story-line, which we all know was a hoax anyway. And full of characters who look NOTHING like their real life counterparts, it's literally ridiculous. But however the characters are likeable, and then again there's laughs as well as two dogs on screen.
So maybe go see it instead of that horrible Romance portraying non-disabled people as disabled characters.

Even if The Conjuring 2 lacks in excitement occasionally, it's got to be less of a snooze fest than that.